Unbiased Mirror

Days go by

In a hazy blur.

Bland mornings give way

To sleepless nights.
My energy is sapped...

My will to live

Long-since dead & buried.

The days of my life

Are a study in mediocrity...

I feel a void inside my soul;

An all-consuming black hole.

I am become

Melancholy, personified...

My days, as gloomy

As a dull moon 

In a starless sky.

I am as lonely
As the last individual
In an extinct species;

Devoid of purpose,

With a burnt out passion

For life...
And most of its “charms”.

I ask myself

Why am I alive?

What possible motive

Do I have to go on?

I try to push

These thoughts away;

I try to tell myself

That there are those who care...
But then I chance

To glance at myself

In an unbiased mirror

And my reflection

Makes my stomach lurch

And I gag and heave

As I gaze at this creature

That I truly despise...

What’s the point?

Why does anything matter?

How can I ever be content

As long as I have to live

Trapped with this ugly person

With no way out but death;

An escape much more likely

Than growing to love & accept him?

I try to find a silver lining;

A distraction; a lie; 

Empty reassurances;

SOMETHING

To make me feel again;

To make me want to live...

But when I actually open

My usually inexhaustible 

Bag of tricks

I find only a crooked crutch;

Barely functional, for now

And some bandaids

And a gun...

And the thing about guns

Is that you can use them

To kill monsters.

Realization dawns on me...

And as I look

In the mirror again,

I can clearly hear

The gun calling out to me.