Bondok is clinically Insane

Below is a conversation I had with myself on Twitter 2 months ago... just in case you were wondering whether I was actually insane or just acting like it. Yes, I tweeted all of this.

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- Seriously, I suddenly understand why teenage girls cut themselves and this isn't turning out to be a great statement in my favor, is it?

+ Yeah here we go again, make fun of yourself before people do it for you, we all know that always works out nicely

-  Well I do it because one of us had to watch our backs in high school when it was either that or being that weird kid everyone bullies…

+ It’s not high school anymore, there aren't any more bullies, you fucktard… Only people who won't respect you if you keep bringing yourself down for their enjoyment… kinda like we're doing now

- Don't turn this around on me, you fucker... where were you 6 years ago when we were still shaping our personality?

+ I was too busy being your rational anchor to the real world where you had to study and take things seriously to get into med school

-  WELL HA HA HA, MED SCHOOL WORKED OUT GREAT FOR US DIDN'T IT?

+  DON'T CAPSLOCK ME, YOU KNOW WE WOULDN'T BE HERE TODAY IF I HADN'T PUSHED YOU TO YOUR LIMITS

-  AND WHERE ARE WE NOW, PRAY TELL? DO WE FUCKING LIKE WHERE WE ARE NOW? ARE WE HAPPILY SHARING THIS SCHIZOPHRENIC MEMENTO OF OUR INSANITY?

+ DON'T BLAME ME FOR THAT, YOU HAD JUST AS BIG A SAY IN IT AS I DID

- BUT YOU'RE THE "RATIONAL SERIOUS" SIDE, WHY DON'T YOU SERIOUS OUR WAY OUT OF THIS PIT OF MISERY AND SELF-LOATHING?

+ Self-loathing, huh? So you actually do hate me...

- OF COURSE I FUCKING HATE YOU, AND YOU HATE ME TOO! WHAT'S THERE TO LIKE? I BET YOU CAN'T COUNT TWO THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT US

+ OK FINE, I HATE YOUR GUTS BUT WE HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER IN THIS BODY FOR ABOUT 10 MORE YEARS UNTIL WE DECIDE TO END IT, SO SUCK IT UP

- Why 10 more years? There's a balcony not 10 feet away, and we're on the 17th floor…

+ OH NO, YOU DON'T... YOU WANNA DO IT BE MY GUEST, BUT I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITH YOU

- HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALONE?

+ THEN DON'T FUCKING DO IT, WE'RE IN ENOUGH SHIT WITHOUT ADDING ETERNAL DAMNATION AND A GRIEVING FAMILY INTO THE MIX

- But if it wasn't for that, we'd do it right?

+ In a heartbeat. But jumping out of a balcony is stupid. We'd probably be better off with sleeping pills or something

- You fucking pussy, that shit's for girls

+ Well excuse me if I don't wanna look like a tomato someone ran over with their car

- You always did care about looks... maybe your high standards are the reason why we aren't having this lovely debate inside our own head, where we can't scare away people and probably get thrown in a mental asylum

+ High standards are the only reason why we have any self-respect...

- HAHAHAHAHA that's rich. Is that what they're calling it these days? Self-respect? Have we been self-respecting for the past half hour? Or is self-respect a synonym for "lonely as fuck"?

+ I can't talk to you like this. You keep dancing around the issue whenever get too close to the mark

- Fine, you want the truth? We're gonna die alone because of your high standards. Suck on that for a while...

+ Well I'd rather die alone than compromise my values and my pride.

- Good for you. Me, however, I'm perfectly happy with compromising stupid rules YOU made up to make us miserable

+ Look, I'm getting tired of arguing... we do this every day and we don't get anywhere. It's like having your mom inside your own head

- Fine, let's call it a day for now... but this isn't over

+ Yeah yeah, whatever. Gosh, do you think maybe we can try and go do something fun instead of driving ourselves literally insane? Seriously, this is past the point of being funny. I'm kinda getting worried now.

- Let's just go to bed so we don't regret it in the morning like we always do, thanks to SOMEONE who insists to stay up and think...

+ You know what? I'm not falling for the bait. Let's just go to bed.

- Fine. And if I catch you thinking for ONE SECOND, I will beat you to a fucking pulp because it’s the last thing we need right now. Got it?

+ Whatever