Hi everyone, remember me? Its been a year and a half since I posted anything.. heck, since I WROTE anything. Today, on my way home from work I realized that fact, and it scared me more than I can say. I've always prided myself on my writing; always claimed it was the one thing I do best. The thought that I might be losing that one feather in my cap is not a welcome notion to me... so, in the interest of clearing the good Bondok name from such filthy accusations as having writer's block -or worse, losing my touch- and fueled by a white-hot determination to disprove this to myself, the basic outline of a short story began forming in my head. It's a bit unorthodox, but I think it'll do the trick. As always, all similarities with any real-life characters are purely coincidental and completely unintended by the author and blah blah blah and all that crap. The events of this blog post are not in any way real events and are strictly fictional.
*********************************************************************************
Eric slammed his bedroom door angrily.
Why did it always have to be this way? Why did mom always have to push his buttons? He'd just got home after a very long day at college, a very long, exhausting, hot, summer day, after which he expected to walk home to smiling people and a hot meal before he slipped into a relaxing shower after the day's activities and terrible weather, then fall into a long restful stupor in his comfortable bed with the air conditioning on.
Instead, he's greeted at the door with a "why are you coming home so late?" and a demand that he go out now while he's still dressed to buy her something that he couldn't care less about from the supermarket, and to make matters worse, there wasn't even any food in the house so he "might as well pick something up to eat while you're there". He responded by giving her an exasperated laugh, telling her that he was going to bed, and getting out of her face before she started whining and muttering.
He wasn't being unreasonable. It was understandable that there sometimes isn't any food in the house; he didn't live in a five-star hotel. But the nerve that she'd ask him to go out again when he hadn't even had the chance to catch his breath after climbing the short flight of stairs leading up to the apartment angered him.
He liked to think that he wasn't arrogant or pompous. In all modesty, however, he thought he had it all. People seemed to think he was good-looking, he went to a good college that offered him a bright future, he was funny, he was smart, he wasn't all that bad with a guitar, and he was in shape due to his almost obsessive compulsive need to work out on a daily basis. He was in perfect health and so was his family.
But he wasn't happy.
Sure, he was grateful. He knew how lucky he was, but he was never happy. There was always something missing. He thought it was the pain of his first girlfriend who screwed him up for life, but he knew it was just an excuse he gave himself. He was always slipping into these weird depressed moods where he'd spend days at a time at home, not wanting to talk to anyone, watching TV shows and eating junk food. None of his friends could help, no amount of girls could fill the hole, and no one in his life understood what was wrong with him.
He switched on his computer and started his daily ritual of not sleeping and wasting the hours of the night on useless pass-times such as Facebook or looking at photos on 9gag. A knock on the door. It was his dad.
His dad was asking him to talk to his sister because she was locked up in her room for some reason and she seemed to be upset. Seeing as he had a very close friendship with his sister, his dad thought he'd ask him to talk to her since Eric was closer to her than he was.
Naturally, Eric felt compelled to do so. However, at that precise moment, a friend of his called him on the phone to ask him something about some assignment they had to do, and so, 1 AM saw him chatting with a couple of friends on Skype, having completely forgotten to talk to his sister. "No matter" Thought Eric. "I'll talk to her tomorrow".
Again, he went through another useless day at college, and when it was time to go home, his friends insisted that they go out because they hadn't gone out in a very long time. So he phoned his dad and told him that he won't be making it home for dinner that night. As usual, his dad put up a token resistance, then hung up after a snapped "Fine, do whatever you want". Why did every single day he went out on have to be a big deal? He was just going to hang out with the guys for a bit, get something to eat, and drive home by 11 PM. It's not like he did anything useful when he was home, anyway.
It was a good night. He went bowling with the guys, had a massive steak for dinner, then went for some Call Of Duty at a friend's place. Perfect guy's night out. They had a few good laughs and then he drove home, arriving at about 12 PM, only to find out that his parents aren't home and that his sister was asleep. Damn it! He'd forgotten to talk to his sister again. He'd have to get right on that as soon as possible. And so he went to bed once more.
Next day, he woke up in a really bad mood. The water heater wasn't working for some reason, so he had to shiver his way through a very cold shower, his clothes were either dirty or too crumpled up to wear without being ironed- which he didn't have the time for- and there was still no food in the house. He'd been trying to be a nicer person, so he let all that stuff slide and tried not to whine to his parents. To do that, he got out of the house as soon as he could before he lost his composure.
Flash forward through another day at college, where he received a couple of bad grades that put him in an even worse mood. This time, he got home early because he decided to skip his last class and take an early bus home so he could try out a new game he downloaded. Mom had made roast beef for dinner, which she very much knew he hated. After a brief tantrum and a slammed door, he resolved to just order pizza and
stream any funny TV show online to try to get himself out of this dark mood. However, the internet was down. It was like the whole world was ganging up on him.
He walked out of the room and found his dad outside having a wrestling match with the fridge, which had apparently broken down again. He chatted with his dad for a bit, then the doorbell rang and it was pizza time. Ten minutes later, he'd finished eating and was on his way back to his room when he remembered his sister. He knocked on her door and went in.
The room was a complete mess, she'd been lying in bed for almost two days now. It was obvious she'd been crying. He sat down next to her, and asked her what was wrong. She said she'd been arranging this outing with her friends for days but that she couldn't go. Dad had to work and he didn't have time to drop her off, and she wasn't going to run the thirty miles to go see them. Eric was dumbfounded.
"You mean to tell me that you've been holed up in here for three days straight, crying your eyes out, because there's no one to drop you off? Why didn't you ask me?"
That was the moment that changed everything.
She looked him in the eyes and said: "You're never there, Eric. And if you are, you never listen. You're always too busy for me".
BAM. And there it was. Rock-Bottom.
Things started to get clearer. He was seeing things from a different perspective.
His whole life was about HIM. Him, him, him. Him, and no one else. He wanted to come in late and have a hot shower and his favourite food, never mind that his mom was sick and lonely and wanted him to spend time with her. It's not like he didn't care, he just didn't know.. Which was somehow a bigger problem. He didn't ask. All he saw was that there was no food and that she'd told him off for being late.. He didn't think to ask if she was alright.
He didn't think to consider that the reason why his dad wanted him home early a few days back was that he needed his car so he could drop his mom off at the clinic.
He didn't think that maybe there wasn't any food in the house because his mom was too sick to indulge his every whim and cook his favourite food. And if she cooked a kind of food that he didn't like he'd stomp his feet and throw a childish tantrum and storm off to his room, not considering the fact that she'd spent hours preparing said meal after coming back from a very long day at work.
He didn't think that maybe his clothes weren't laundered or freshly ironed because his mom, the lady of the house, was in no fit state to see to it that these things are taken care of, and he wasn't nearly mature enough to take care of them himself because he was an overgrown baby.
He didn't think that maybe the house was in this extreme state of disrepair because his dad's recent promotion made it impossible for him to get home before 8 PM, at which time he'd either dutifully drop his sister off wherever she wanted to go, or go to sleep to barely be able to do it all again the following day.
He didn't think that maybe the best way to help his dad and show his support WASN'T standing on the kitchen's doorstep, casually chatting with him instead of getting his hands a bit dirty to help his old man out.
He didn't think that maybe his sister had shifted her entire social life to synchronize with her dad's schedule because he was the only one who cared enough to drop her off because Eric was always away or when he was there, he'd sometimes pretend he was busy or he'd drop her off reluctantly after throwing a long tantrum about it.
He didn't think that every bad grade he got in college was another blow to his hard-working parents, who worked all day every day to secure his tuition fees at a university that he didn't even care enough to study for because he was as irresponsible as can be.
He didn't think that, despite everything he thought he had, despite the trivialities such as his looks or his form or his brains or his sense of humour, he lacked the compassion and the selflessness to just ask how his family was and maybe offer his help when it was needed. He didn't think that maybe that was the depressing black hole in his being that no amount of outside contact would fill. What he needed was INSIDE contact. He realized he didn't really know his family because he was too busy either on his computer, bonding with friends or occasionally studying on the eve of his exams in order to barely pass.
He was constantly letting everyone he cared about down. Even if he did it unknowingly, the end result was the same:
He was a failure.
A narcissist.
A DISAPPOINTMENT.
*********************************************************************************
Eric slammed his bedroom door angrily.
Why did it always have to be this way? Why did mom always have to push his buttons? He'd just got home after a very long day at college, a very long, exhausting, hot, summer day, after which he expected to walk home to smiling people and a hot meal before he slipped into a relaxing shower after the day's activities and terrible weather, then fall into a long restful stupor in his comfortable bed with the air conditioning on.
Instead, he's greeted at the door with a "why are you coming home so late?" and a demand that he go out now while he's still dressed to buy her something that he couldn't care less about from the supermarket, and to make matters worse, there wasn't even any food in the house so he "might as well pick something up to eat while you're there". He responded by giving her an exasperated laugh, telling her that he was going to bed, and getting out of her face before she started whining and muttering.
He wasn't being unreasonable. It was understandable that there sometimes isn't any food in the house; he didn't live in a five-star hotel. But the nerve that she'd ask him to go out again when he hadn't even had the chance to catch his breath after climbing the short flight of stairs leading up to the apartment angered him.
He liked to think that he wasn't arrogant or pompous. In all modesty, however, he thought he had it all. People seemed to think he was good-looking, he went to a good college that offered him a bright future, he was funny, he was smart, he wasn't all that bad with a guitar, and he was in shape due to his almost obsessive compulsive need to work out on a daily basis. He was in perfect health and so was his family.
But he wasn't happy.
Sure, he was grateful. He knew how lucky he was, but he was never happy. There was always something missing. He thought it was the pain of his first girlfriend who screwed him up for life, but he knew it was just an excuse he gave himself. He was always slipping into these weird depressed moods where he'd spend days at a time at home, not wanting to talk to anyone, watching TV shows and eating junk food. None of his friends could help, no amount of girls could fill the hole, and no one in his life understood what was wrong with him.
He switched on his computer and started his daily ritual of not sleeping and wasting the hours of the night on useless pass-times such as Facebook or looking at photos on 9gag. A knock on the door. It was his dad.
His dad was asking him to talk to his sister because she was locked up in her room for some reason and she seemed to be upset. Seeing as he had a very close friendship with his sister, his dad thought he'd ask him to talk to her since Eric was closer to her than he was.
Naturally, Eric felt compelled to do so. However, at that precise moment, a friend of his called him on the phone to ask him something about some assignment they had to do, and so, 1 AM saw him chatting with a couple of friends on Skype, having completely forgotten to talk to his sister. "No matter" Thought Eric. "I'll talk to her tomorrow".
Again, he went through another useless day at college, and when it was time to go home, his friends insisted that they go out because they hadn't gone out in a very long time. So he phoned his dad and told him that he won't be making it home for dinner that night. As usual, his dad put up a token resistance, then hung up after a snapped "Fine, do whatever you want". Why did every single day he went out on have to be a big deal? He was just going to hang out with the guys for a bit, get something to eat, and drive home by 11 PM. It's not like he did anything useful when he was home, anyway.
It was a good night. He went bowling with the guys, had a massive steak for dinner, then went for some Call Of Duty at a friend's place. Perfect guy's night out. They had a few good laughs and then he drove home, arriving at about 12 PM, only to find out that his parents aren't home and that his sister was asleep. Damn it! He'd forgotten to talk to his sister again. He'd have to get right on that as soon as possible. And so he went to bed once more.
Next day, he woke up in a really bad mood. The water heater wasn't working for some reason, so he had to shiver his way through a very cold shower, his clothes were either dirty or too crumpled up to wear without being ironed- which he didn't have the time for- and there was still no food in the house. He'd been trying to be a nicer person, so he let all that stuff slide and tried not to whine to his parents. To do that, he got out of the house as soon as he could before he lost his composure.
Flash forward through another day at college, where he received a couple of bad grades that put him in an even worse mood. This time, he got home early because he decided to skip his last class and take an early bus home so he could try out a new game he downloaded. Mom had made roast beef for dinner, which she very much knew he hated. After a brief tantrum and a slammed door, he resolved to just order pizza and
stream any funny TV show online to try to get himself out of this dark mood. However, the internet was down. It was like the whole world was ganging up on him.
He walked out of the room and found his dad outside having a wrestling match with the fridge, which had apparently broken down again. He chatted with his dad for a bit, then the doorbell rang and it was pizza time. Ten minutes later, he'd finished eating and was on his way back to his room when he remembered his sister. He knocked on her door and went in.
The room was a complete mess, she'd been lying in bed for almost two days now. It was obvious she'd been crying. He sat down next to her, and asked her what was wrong. She said she'd been arranging this outing with her friends for days but that she couldn't go. Dad had to work and he didn't have time to drop her off, and she wasn't going to run the thirty miles to go see them. Eric was dumbfounded.
"You mean to tell me that you've been holed up in here for three days straight, crying your eyes out, because there's no one to drop you off? Why didn't you ask me?"
That was the moment that changed everything.
She looked him in the eyes and said: "You're never there, Eric. And if you are, you never listen. You're always too busy for me".
BAM. And there it was. Rock-Bottom.
Things started to get clearer. He was seeing things from a different perspective.
His whole life was about HIM. Him, him, him. Him, and no one else. He wanted to come in late and have a hot shower and his favourite food, never mind that his mom was sick and lonely and wanted him to spend time with her. It's not like he didn't care, he just didn't know.. Which was somehow a bigger problem. He didn't ask. All he saw was that there was no food and that she'd told him off for being late.. He didn't think to ask if she was alright.
He didn't think to consider that the reason why his dad wanted him home early a few days back was that he needed his car so he could drop his mom off at the clinic.
He didn't think that maybe there wasn't any food in the house because his mom was too sick to indulge his every whim and cook his favourite food. And if she cooked a kind of food that he didn't like he'd stomp his feet and throw a childish tantrum and storm off to his room, not considering the fact that she'd spent hours preparing said meal after coming back from a very long day at work.
He didn't think that maybe his clothes weren't laundered or freshly ironed because his mom, the lady of the house, was in no fit state to see to it that these things are taken care of, and he wasn't nearly mature enough to take care of them himself because he was an overgrown baby.
He didn't think that maybe the house was in this extreme state of disrepair because his dad's recent promotion made it impossible for him to get home before 8 PM, at which time he'd either dutifully drop his sister off wherever she wanted to go, or go to sleep to barely be able to do it all again the following day.
He didn't think that maybe the best way to help his dad and show his support WASN'T standing on the kitchen's doorstep, casually chatting with him instead of getting his hands a bit dirty to help his old man out.
He didn't think that maybe his sister had shifted her entire social life to synchronize with her dad's schedule because he was the only one who cared enough to drop her off because Eric was always away or when he was there, he'd sometimes pretend he was busy or he'd drop her off reluctantly after throwing a long tantrum about it.
He didn't think that every bad grade he got in college was another blow to his hard-working parents, who worked all day every day to secure his tuition fees at a university that he didn't even care enough to study for because he was as irresponsible as can be.
He didn't think that, despite everything he thought he had, despite the trivialities such as his looks or his form or his brains or his sense of humour, he lacked the compassion and the selflessness to just ask how his family was and maybe offer his help when it was needed. He didn't think that maybe that was the depressing black hole in his being that no amount of outside contact would fill. What he needed was INSIDE contact. He realized he didn't really know his family because he was too busy either on his computer, bonding with friends or occasionally studying on the eve of his exams in order to barely pass.
He was constantly letting everyone he cared about down. Even if he did it unknowingly, the end result was the same:
He was a failure.
A narcissist.
A DISAPPOINTMENT.
It's sad but I like it, good job :)
ReplyDeletethe irony is n-man that he would only be a failure if he didn't realise this in time and changed because of it.
ReplyDelete