So, it's been almost a month since my last blog post. Now that it's winter break, I've realised that I'm completely uninspired. I only stay home once or twice a week, but even going out is getting boring and repetitive, and I'm starting to miss college classes... you may sue me if you like, I won't even defend myself.
Regardless, I've realised that the easiest thing I can write about is things that annoy me. There are some things in life that I hate.. Nay, DESPISE. whether it's annoying little reptitive sounds that make me want to stab myself, or annoying habbits I've seen my friends develop and I can't do anything about them, or even certain people's faces. Ofc, I'm not gonna say who's face I find annoying because that's mean and degrading, but take my word for it.
It might sound weird that New Year's was just 3 days ago, which is excellent material for a blog post about New Year's resolutions, or I could write an insider's story on the dreadful terrorist act that resulted in more than 25 confirmed deaths and almost a hundred injuries. About the terrorist act, I've waited for three days to post this as a sign of respect for our fallen siblings, may God show them the kindness they haven't seen on Earth. Also, New Year's resolution is the world's funniest joke, if you ask me, because you're basically telling yourself: "I won't do any of the bad things I've done this year because I was too weak to stop myself, but by TELLING myself that I won't do it this year when the clock hits 12 I'll somehow get the willpower to stop". HAHAHAHAHA it's hilarious, don't you get it?
so yeah, here's a list of things that annoy me, and I'm sure you guys can relate to so many of them:
1) That annoying piece of paper that you can find in the collar of any new shirt you buy: It drives me nuts, especially because if I take it completely off its tears the fabric of the collar and I walk around with a hole in my 2afa, and if I try to shear it off with a pair of scissors it usually leaves a part with a jagged end that annoys me even more.
2) Moqrobazz drivers: Ofc I don't need to give any explanations, but I hate the sounds they make that remotely resemble spoken arabic. they don't believe in lanes, fares, manners, or police. Their arch enemy is the dreaded "amin el shorta". Oh, and if you are ever unfortunate enough to sit in the front seat, your unpaid task is to count all the passengers' money and see that each of them gets their change back.
3) Mohannad bta3 Nour: I've actually had a couple of girls whose names I won't mention come to me and say that his voice is amazing. Apart from the fact en homma sabo kol 7aga we ra7o l his voice, they failed to realize en this is not even his real voice and he doesn't speak Arabic.
4) Tom Cruise: It's such a black name for the whitest guy in the world. "Tom cruise his fo' wheel and he be pimpin' hoes and shit, ya feel me dawg?" Yeah, I know I can't pull off the black accent, but you guys get the gist.
5) The plastic seal on Nestle water bottles: The problem is that I HAVE to get it all off. so if it tears apart at the bottom, I have to spend an average of 5 minutes tearing and clawing at it, and then I end up trying to shear it off with the same pair of scissors but I end up poking a hole through the bottle.
6) Hangnails: You know what I'm talking about. they hurt as hell every time you try to run your hand through your hair, for example, and you forget to cut them off when you're home and you realize that the second you step out of the house. You spend a whole day waiting to get back home to cut it off, and when you do, you're so angry at it that you end up cutting yourself.
7) Arnold Shccwuhrzzzeneggggerrrrr: seriously, how do you spell his name?!
8) Bee2a people: Check out my albums on facebook, there's one called "ma3an lel talawoth el basary - bee2a parody", and there's a note called "We2e3t 3ala regly". Check them out and when you see how much work I've put into making fun of them, you'll realize how much they annoy me.
9) Consumerism: There's nothing that annoys me more than a momma's boy that buys the newest products just for the sake of following trends. Odds are, He'd probably have a mohawk cut, a Blackberry, an iPhone 4 and he's facing a painful dilemma because he doesn't know which one to keep, a Kia Cerato Coupe car and is wearing purple leggings and an ice watch. He also falls into "El 3eyal el saww" category. If it were a girl, she'd probably have "El booz eyah", a Blackberry, leggings, more Burberry merchandise than she knows what to do with, and says "mesh 2oltely" instead of "ma2olteleesh" because she think it makes her look cute, but it actually makes it sound like she has speech impediments.
10) El 3eyal el sees and el banat el sees. (see "consumerism")
11) El sha3b el masry: the easiest fool-proof way for you to get lost is to ask any of the people where to go. They will say one of two things: "2allak fein?" (If you claim to know where I wanna go, WHY would you ask?! and for the love of God, HOWA MEEN DAH EL 2ALLY??!) or they will give you a very detailed unrealistic description involving "shemal f shemal" and " etla3 awel farda yemeen" and even once, when a moqrobazz told me to take "awel farda yemeen" when I was lost with Yehia Tharwat El Sherbini 3ala el me7war, we ended up in Saft el Laban. When we decided to ask another moqrobazz driver where to go, he told us "emshy 3alatool we et5ol awel u-turn men ganb el "este5obles". Ironically, his description was correct, but to this day neither of us has ANY idea what an este5obles looks like.
12) The squeaky sounds girls make when they see a baby, a kitten, a baby dog, a baby cockroach for all I care, they make the same squeaky sounds that drill deep into your brain and destroy your soul.
13) Birthdays: Think about it... we actually celebrate getting one year closer to death. YAAAAAAAY !
14) Spending an hour looking for something only to realize that it's in your hand/in your pocket/on your face. You get the gist.
15) Going to the gym and then realizing that you'd forgotten to charge your iPod.
16) Leaving your phone to charge over night and waking up in the morning to realize that it hadn't been charging.
17) When you're watching a movie and you're just five minutes away from finding out who killed Jenny and why Jim cheated on Rebecca, when you get a power cut and you spend days Googling the end and feeling like crap.
18) Finding no clean socks and having to borrow a pair from your sister.
19) Realizing that your sister had been borrowing your socks and that's why you can't find any.
20) Spending your whole day in anticipation, waiting to get back home because your mom said she'd make you your favorite meal, only to realize ennaha 3amalet molo5eya.
21) When you walk through the AUC library entrance and you put your ID on that bar-code thing, and it doesn't recognize your ID and you have to get it out and show it to the security guard.
22) When you walk through the AUC library entrance and you put your ID on the bar-code thing, and it DOES recognize your ID but then you have to face the stifled laughter of everyone else who saw your ID picture on the computer screen. (You have no idea how funny my ID picture looks)
23) The sound the alarm clock makes in the morning when you're in the middle of a wonderful dream. The annoying part isn't the actual alarm ringtone; its the sound the phone makes when it vibrates against the table. it sound like: "dzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzzzt.". It makes me want to kill myself.
24) Of course, the lifeless fucker who sits in the first row in class, insists on answering all the professor's questions to impress him, thinks he's the smartest person in class, and generally by3ally el curve.
25) Waking up five minutes before you'd set the alarm clock to ring.
26) Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga fans, courtesy of Faird El-Sehrawy. To quote Farid, "There's been a mix-up, and Lady Gaga got Justin Bieber's penis".
27) El bezr fel yostafandy. especially lamma tefteker ennak shelt el bezr kollo, but one of them somehow ends up crushed between your molars and you get that disgusting taste.
28) Going to play the guitar at the studio then realizing that your shield isn't working at all. I know it's too specific, but it's really annoying. and if you're wondering what a shield is, it's the chord that connects your guitar to the amplifier. If you're wondering what an amplifier is, it's an external speaker. If you're wondering what a guitar is, go back to your cave.
29) Irish accent.
30) Indian accent. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
31) Posers trying to use a ghetto lingo, and the fact that they add an "izzle" as a meaningless extension to every other word.
32) Red eye. It's a real problem for me, check out most of my pics on Facebook.
33) When you're reading a book and you accidentally drop it on the ground and lose the page you were at.
34) When you bend down to get the book and you accidentally hit your head on the table.
35) When you put your book back on the table and drop your pen on the floor.
36) When you bend down to get your pen and your mom tells you that it's time for dinner. I know it makes no sense, it just felt random enough.
37) When your shoelaces are untied. And when you realize the unfortunate fact, your shoelaces had already been completely soaked through with street water with unknown origins. Brrrrr.
38) Lamma tla2y 7antoor da5el share3 3aks etegah.
39) The annoying phrases toktok drivers write on the back of their toktoks, such as "dabbaba btegry 3ala 3'alaba" and "da3eit rabena eddany we 3yon el nas msh saybany" and "el amir youssef and el berenseesa safinaz". 2al ya3ny 7ad hayboselak fel toktok.
40) The pathetic attempts your parents make at trying to speak our language by saying "seeka" and "a5er 7aga" and "ta7n" and "moot" and "naffad". (Courtesy of Farida Magdy)
41) Lamma tkoon a3ed f any mode of public transportation w tla2y shab amoor qarrar yefta7 el radio aw yesma3 Elissa 3al external speakers bta3et his phone. He would probably have a blackberry too.
42) When you put on your favorite shirt and halfway through your day you realize that it has a huge stain and you can do can do absolutely nothing about it.
43) When you've just got out of a cleansing shower only to realize that wafa2 el sha3'ala wa2fa barra el bab w mosamema tbosak w to7donak.
44) Wafa2. she insists on changing the location of every single thing in my room and when she leaves my room roughly resembles a nuclear warzone because she insists that her job is to clean, not to tidy up my room. Now don't get me wrong, I HATE it when my room is tidy because I can't find anything, But her idea of rearrangement always results in bras in my room. Yes. I know.
45) Wara2 7adr mot elly randomly byetremy in every single car fel eshara, w kollohom mosereen en homa the original 7adr mot we en malhomsh froo3 o5ra, and now they've even started passing them out in HOUSES.
46) When you've fallen asleep in front of the television, and it keeps waking you up but you can't bothered to turn it off because you're "mekassel".
47) The last dregs of mango juice left in the 250 Ml Carton that you can't reach with the straw, try as you might, and you end up making disgusting sounds and then quickly throwing the carton away when you realize that a hot chick has been watching you the whole time.
48) When you accidentally walk into the girls' bathroom in Charles de Gaulle international airport and when you walk out, some random French woman keeps chattering angrily at you. Like I did that on purpose.
49) When you're in the middle of a heated conversation with someone and you realize that they'd gone blank and they haven't been paying attention to you at all. Equally annoying is when you're also in the middle of a heated conversation with someone and then they interrupt you to discuss something completely unrelated to what you were saying.
50) When you're fighting with someone over the phone, and they've been weirdly silent and listening to you for more than a minute, and you've made a couple of very convincing arguments that you feel have won you the fight, only to realize that your mobile's battery had died more than a minute ago.
51) When you walk into your room and you realize that your sister is in your chair and it takes you an average of 20 minutes to get her off the damned chair.
52) When you walk into your sister's room and you realize that she has her friends over and you're in your Goofy pyjamas. Yes, I have Goofy pyjamas. HAHAHAHA my name is Bondok we bta3, yeah I get it.
There are like 20 million other things that annoy me, but I've just outlined the things that immediately spring to mind the moment I start thinking of annoying things.
Did I mention the fact that my name annoys me?
Nah, just kidding. My name is awesome.
Regardless, I've realised that the easiest thing I can write about is things that annoy me. There are some things in life that I hate.. Nay, DESPISE. whether it's annoying little reptitive sounds that make me want to stab myself, or annoying habbits I've seen my friends develop and I can't do anything about them, or even certain people's faces. Ofc, I'm not gonna say who's face I find annoying because that's mean and degrading, but take my word for it.
It might sound weird that New Year's was just 3 days ago, which is excellent material for a blog post about New Year's resolutions, or I could write an insider's story on the dreadful terrorist act that resulted in more than 25 confirmed deaths and almost a hundred injuries. About the terrorist act, I've waited for three days to post this as a sign of respect for our fallen siblings, may God show them the kindness they haven't seen on Earth. Also, New Year's resolution is the world's funniest joke, if you ask me, because you're basically telling yourself: "I won't do any of the bad things I've done this year because I was too weak to stop myself, but by TELLING myself that I won't do it this year when the clock hits 12 I'll somehow get the willpower to stop". HAHAHAHAHA it's hilarious, don't you get it?
so yeah, here's a list of things that annoy me, and I'm sure you guys can relate to so many of them:
1) That annoying piece of paper that you can find in the collar of any new shirt you buy: It drives me nuts, especially because if I take it completely off its tears the fabric of the collar and I walk around with a hole in my 2afa, and if I try to shear it off with a pair of scissors it usually leaves a part with a jagged end that annoys me even more.
2) Moqrobazz drivers: Ofc I don't need to give any explanations, but I hate the sounds they make that remotely resemble spoken arabic. they don't believe in lanes, fares, manners, or police. Their arch enemy is the dreaded "amin el shorta". Oh, and if you are ever unfortunate enough to sit in the front seat, your unpaid task is to count all the passengers' money and see that each of them gets their change back.
3) Mohannad bta3 Nour: I've actually had a couple of girls whose names I won't mention come to me and say that his voice is amazing. Apart from the fact en homma sabo kol 7aga we ra7o l his voice, they failed to realize en this is not even his real voice and he doesn't speak Arabic.
4) Tom Cruise: It's such a black name for the whitest guy in the world. "Tom cruise his fo' wheel and he be pimpin' hoes and shit, ya feel me dawg?" Yeah, I know I can't pull off the black accent, but you guys get the gist.
5) The plastic seal on Nestle water bottles: The problem is that I HAVE to get it all off. so if it tears apart at the bottom, I have to spend an average of 5 minutes tearing and clawing at it, and then I end up trying to shear it off with the same pair of scissors but I end up poking a hole through the bottle.
6) Hangnails: You know what I'm talking about. they hurt as hell every time you try to run your hand through your hair, for example, and you forget to cut them off when you're home and you realize that the second you step out of the house. You spend a whole day waiting to get back home to cut it off, and when you do, you're so angry at it that you end up cutting yourself.
7) Arnold Shccwuhrzzzeneggggerrrrr: seriously, how do you spell his name?!
8) Bee2a people: Check out my albums on facebook, there's one called "ma3an lel talawoth el basary - bee2a parody", and there's a note called "We2e3t 3ala regly". Check them out and when you see how much work I've put into making fun of them, you'll realize how much they annoy me.
9) Consumerism: There's nothing that annoys me more than a momma's boy that buys the newest products just for the sake of following trends. Odds are, He'd probably have a mohawk cut, a Blackberry, an iPhone 4 and he's facing a painful dilemma because he doesn't know which one to keep, a Kia Cerato Coupe car and is wearing purple leggings and an ice watch. He also falls into "El 3eyal el saww" category. If it were a girl, she'd probably have "El booz eyah", a Blackberry, leggings, more Burberry merchandise than she knows what to do with, and says "mesh 2oltely" instead of "ma2olteleesh" because she think it makes her look cute, but it actually makes it sound like she has speech impediments.
10) El 3eyal el sees and el banat el sees. (see "consumerism")
11) El sha3b el masry: the easiest fool-proof way for you to get lost is to ask any of the people where to go. They will say one of two things: "2allak fein?" (If you claim to know where I wanna go, WHY would you ask?! and for the love of God, HOWA MEEN DAH EL 2ALLY??!) or they will give you a very detailed unrealistic description involving "shemal f shemal" and " etla3 awel farda yemeen" and even once, when a moqrobazz told me to take "awel farda yemeen" when I was lost with Yehia Tharwat El Sherbini 3ala el me7war, we ended up in Saft el Laban. When we decided to ask another moqrobazz driver where to go, he told us "emshy 3alatool we et5ol awel u-turn men ganb el "este5obles". Ironically, his description was correct, but to this day neither of us has ANY idea what an este5obles looks like.
12) The squeaky sounds girls make when they see a baby, a kitten, a baby dog, a baby cockroach for all I care, they make the same squeaky sounds that drill deep into your brain and destroy your soul.
13) Birthdays: Think about it... we actually celebrate getting one year closer to death. YAAAAAAAY !
14) Spending an hour looking for something only to realize that it's in your hand/in your pocket/on your face. You get the gist.
15) Going to the gym and then realizing that you'd forgotten to charge your iPod.
16) Leaving your phone to charge over night and waking up in the morning to realize that it hadn't been charging.
17) When you're watching a movie and you're just five minutes away from finding out who killed Jenny and why Jim cheated on Rebecca, when you get a power cut and you spend days Googling the end and feeling like crap.
18) Finding no clean socks and having to borrow a pair from your sister.
19) Realizing that your sister had been borrowing your socks and that's why you can't find any.
20) Spending your whole day in anticipation, waiting to get back home because your mom said she'd make you your favorite meal, only to realize ennaha 3amalet molo5eya.
21) When you walk through the AUC library entrance and you put your ID on that bar-code thing, and it doesn't recognize your ID and you have to get it out and show it to the security guard.
22) When you walk through the AUC library entrance and you put your ID on the bar-code thing, and it DOES recognize your ID but then you have to face the stifled laughter of everyone else who saw your ID picture on the computer screen. (You have no idea how funny my ID picture looks)
23) The sound the alarm clock makes in the morning when you're in the middle of a wonderful dream. The annoying part isn't the actual alarm ringtone; its the sound the phone makes when it vibrates against the table. it sound like: "dzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzt. dzzzzzzzzzzt.". It makes me want to kill myself.
24) Of course, the lifeless fucker who sits in the first row in class, insists on answering all the professor's questions to impress him, thinks he's the smartest person in class, and generally by3ally el curve.
25) Waking up five minutes before you'd set the alarm clock to ring.
26) Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga fans, courtesy of Faird El-Sehrawy. To quote Farid, "There's been a mix-up, and Lady Gaga got Justin Bieber's penis".
27) El bezr fel yostafandy. especially lamma tefteker ennak shelt el bezr kollo, but one of them somehow ends up crushed between your molars and you get that disgusting taste.
28) Going to play the guitar at the studio then realizing that your shield isn't working at all. I know it's too specific, but it's really annoying. and if you're wondering what a shield is, it's the chord that connects your guitar to the amplifier. If you're wondering what an amplifier is, it's an external speaker. If you're wondering what a guitar is, go back to your cave.
29) Irish accent.
30) Indian accent. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
31) Posers trying to use a ghetto lingo, and the fact that they add an "izzle" as a meaningless extension to every other word.
32) Red eye. It's a real problem for me, check out most of my pics on Facebook.
33) When you're reading a book and you accidentally drop it on the ground and lose the page you were at.
34) When you bend down to get the book and you accidentally hit your head on the table.
35) When you put your book back on the table and drop your pen on the floor.
36) When you bend down to get your pen and your mom tells you that it's time for dinner. I know it makes no sense, it just felt random enough.
37) When your shoelaces are untied. And when you realize the unfortunate fact, your shoelaces had already been completely soaked through with street water with unknown origins. Brrrrr.
38) Lamma tla2y 7antoor da5el share3 3aks etegah.
39) The annoying phrases toktok drivers write on the back of their toktoks, such as "dabbaba btegry 3ala 3'alaba" and "da3eit rabena eddany we 3yon el nas msh saybany" and "el amir youssef and el berenseesa safinaz". 2al ya3ny 7ad hayboselak fel toktok.
40) The pathetic attempts your parents make at trying to speak our language by saying "seeka" and "a5er 7aga" and "ta7n" and "moot" and "naffad". (Courtesy of Farida Magdy)
41) Lamma tkoon a3ed f any mode of public transportation w tla2y shab amoor qarrar yefta7 el radio aw yesma3 Elissa 3al external speakers bta3et his phone. He would probably have a blackberry too.
42) When you put on your favorite shirt and halfway through your day you realize that it has a huge stain and you can do can do absolutely nothing about it.
43) When you've just got out of a cleansing shower only to realize that wafa2 el sha3'ala wa2fa barra el bab w mosamema tbosak w to7donak.
44) Wafa2. she insists on changing the location of every single thing in my room and when she leaves my room roughly resembles a nuclear warzone because she insists that her job is to clean, not to tidy up my room. Now don't get me wrong, I HATE it when my room is tidy because I can't find anything, But her idea of rearrangement always results in bras in my room. Yes. I know.
45) Wara2 7adr mot elly randomly byetremy in every single car fel eshara, w kollohom mosereen en homa the original 7adr mot we en malhomsh froo3 o5ra, and now they've even started passing them out in HOUSES.
46) When you've fallen asleep in front of the television, and it keeps waking you up but you can't bothered to turn it off because you're "mekassel".
47) The last dregs of mango juice left in the 250 Ml Carton that you can't reach with the straw, try as you might, and you end up making disgusting sounds and then quickly throwing the carton away when you realize that a hot chick has been watching you the whole time.
48) When you accidentally walk into the girls' bathroom in Charles de Gaulle international airport and when you walk out, some random French woman keeps chattering angrily at you. Like I did that on purpose.
49) When you're in the middle of a heated conversation with someone and you realize that they'd gone blank and they haven't been paying attention to you at all. Equally annoying is when you're also in the middle of a heated conversation with someone and then they interrupt you to discuss something completely unrelated to what you were saying.
50) When you're fighting with someone over the phone, and they've been weirdly silent and listening to you for more than a minute, and you've made a couple of very convincing arguments that you feel have won you the fight, only to realize that your mobile's battery had died more than a minute ago.
51) When you walk into your room and you realize that your sister is in your chair and it takes you an average of 20 minutes to get her off the damned chair.
52) When you walk into your sister's room and you realize that she has her friends over and you're in your Goofy pyjamas. Yes, I have Goofy pyjamas. HAHAHAHA my name is Bondok we bta3, yeah I get it.
There are like 20 million other things that annoy me, but I've just outlined the things that immediately spring to mind the moment I start thinking of annoying things.
Did I mention the fact that my name annoys me?
Nah, just kidding. My name is awesome.
a) How can birthdays annoy you?!
ReplyDeleteand b) #43, LOL, I laughed so much that I started crying! xD