Down with Lord Blackberry.

This Blog post is a tribute to yet another Blackberry victim, and one of my best friends. I dedicate this to all other Blackberry-opposers out there. There is still hope.

Note: I've glorified myself in this note because, well, I'm the writer. Everyone else is of lower stature than I am. And I'm also married to Lady Megan Fox, who idolizes me but i get bored of her after a while.

My train of thought was interrupted as a runner from Sir Awsomeness cried out:


- "My Lord!"


I turned around to face a panting young squire, his face flushed from running up the stairs to the battlements.


* "What is it, boy?"
- "Sir Awesomeness says the catapults you've ordered repaired are finished, my Lord. He said 5 of them are battle-ready, and the sortie you've commanded to get ready is already armored and mounted. They await your command."
* "Fetch me Sir Awesomeness. Tell him to bring all my knights and lords. We have no time"
- "At once, my Lord!"

It looked bleak.

It was the 7th month of siege on Nokia castle, and things did not look any better. Lord Samsung had not answered my pleas for help, preferring to guard his own castle, and Lord LG decided that "Life's Good". Too good to throw away for honor. My granaries were almost empty, and soon we'd be reduced to eating cats, mice and boot leather.

But I would not yield.

Lord Blackberry had been spreading terror across the realm, his Knights and Lords wreaking havoc, especially Lord Consumerism and Lord I-buy-anything-that-makes-people-think-i'm-cool, setting afire what they could not BBM. The realm bled, and soon the opposers found themselves vastly outnumbered as Lord Blackberry captured more castles and put their people to the sword. After the disaster at Ericsson's Holdfast, Lords preferred to swear alleigance to Lord Blackberry and yield, rather than fight and have their castles torched. Soon, Lord Blackberry had most of the realm's might behind him, and it seemed that the cause was lost, now that all the Lords have yielded.

All but me.

I, the one they call Lord Bondok, had always been a Nokia champion, but I was also an Apple sympathizer. I'd seen this happen. I'd sent ravens to all corners of the realm, warning the Lords of this danger and urging them to gather a mighty army to crush Blackberry and his minions before he caused any damage.

If only they'd heeded my warning. One by one, the highborn lords either yielded or were overrun by him who calls himself Blackberry, and the Bondok lands became the last refuge for all the free people. But it was all too good to last... Lord Blackberry gathered his massive hundred thousand-strong army, and set about beseiging my castle, and humanity's last sliver of hope. Which brings us back to today.

I gazed over the ramparts at the vast army encamped outside my gates. I watched as the enemy soldiers practiced with sword, shield and spear, as the high lords feasted outside my gates while my garrison grew hungry.  They didn't even bother to post sentry officers or spies. They must have thought the war was all but won. What few archers I still had loosed pitiful volleys of arrows that fell too short of the enemy's camp. Their archers were fletching arrows, not bothering to fire back, and their engineers were building siege equipment out of the lumber the soldiers provided by cutting down the Hazelnut forest- trees. I'd played in those forests many a night as a child, playing at war with my younger brother. Then the grief washed over me once more, threatening to overcome my defenses and show how weary I'd grown since the loss of my brother; he had died leading a charge one week ago. "But I must be strong" I thought. "The garrison must not know how weak I truly am."

I realized my lords would have arrived by then, so I decended the stairs to the yard. I walked through the outer gates to the inner courtyard, where I'd learned to ride my first horse. Only now there were five catapults, with three others under construction. Good. My men were making good time. Everywhere around the castle there were signs of war, our dead piled in wagons because I did not have the man-power to spare for burying them. But it would have to be done soon... It would not do to have another plague outbreak. "Perhaps I can command some of the garrison I left in the keep guarding Lady Fox to come down here and get to work" I wondered absent-mindedly.

There was a company of about a hundred men assembled among the catapults, mounted on their warhorses. Those were all the men I could spare from manning the walls.  Too few.

I glimpsed many of my childhood friends, among them Lord Alaa. He was mounted on his armored red destrier, clad in plate armor and a plumed steel helmet with an open visor. He winked at me, but I was not in the mood for exchanging pleasantries. 

- "Sir Awesomeness, have you chosen your company yet?"

* "Aye, sir." He replied. "Company, FORWARD!"

Twenty knights rode forward. No Lords wanted any part of the carnage.

- "Alright, Sir. You have your orders: you exit through the postern gate, and go around the enemy camp. You will carry no torches so the enemy will not know of your arrival. You are to steal through the enemy lines however way you can, and destroy the siege engines, and kill their lumberers. Then You should fall back to the castle with all possible haste. This should buy us some time till King Apple gathers his host from the north and comes to relieve us. Do you understand?"

*"Yes, sire."

-"Good. May God look down on you with favor, and ---"

That was when Alaa spoke.

*"My Lord, I would claim the honor of leading this sortie out myself"

It was as bad as any slap to the face. Damn you, Alaa. not in front of the other lords where I can't refuse you. Damn you to hell.

- "Lord Alaa, you are much needed in the castle to oversee its defenses"

* "I think the defenses will be just as good minus one lord, my liege"

He though it was a game. A joke. Damn him, Damn him, Damn him.

- "Your men need you to lend them your courage as they man the walls"

* "They've had me for seven months and they don't seem to be fighting any better, my lord."

I stared him down, fuming. For the sake of all the times we've played together in the Hazelnut forest in our youth, step down you proud fool... He stared back defiantly, with an insolent grin. I could not openly refuse him and shame him in front of the men, and I could hardly ask him to reconsider or it would sow doubt in my knights' hearts. I was trapped.

* "I would lead the sortie or lay down my arms. Let me out or hang me for a traitor, this is my final choice." He said, lowering his visor.

Damn him. He knew me too well. Another firmer liege lord might have declared him insolent and hanged him, but I grew up with the man. It was a damned suicide mission, everyone knew. Damn you, damn you, DAMN YOU.


-"Very well, my lord. Sir Awesomeness, You and your party are under the command of Lord Alaa. Do your best to defend him in battle. Leave now."


I turned around to my other notables.


- "I would go walk the walls and watch. Feel free to accompany me if you wish."


Without waiting for a reply, I left. Within five minutes I was already at the same spot on the battlements, dimly aware of the sound the portcullis made as they were raised, and the canter of hooves as the company rode out.


Damn him. He  had always been careless and headstrong, even when we were children. I should have denied him. Better look like a child than look like an adult with his guts spilling out. He knew the odds,  however. That was our last chance. I would lead them out myself, only if I fell, I was not sure my lords bannermen would still hold the castle. Might be they would yield. Might be they would not. But I would NOT have my childhood home defiled by a Blackberry, and that is why I needed to stay behind.


I watched the sortie ride out of the back of the castle, turn completely around the castle and ride to the north. From up here, it seemed like they were crawling rather than galloping at full speed. It was a gaunt thing indeed, having to wait so long for something that would decide whether your childhood friend would live or die.


And not a moment too soon, they crossed the bridge into enemy territory. It was such a bold move that none of the enemies saw it coming, judging by the fact that no war horns were sounded. Lord Blackberry would pay for being too proud to post his own guards. I stood there for what seemed like hours, and nothing seemed to have happened. They should have been back by now.

A war horn was suddenly sounded, loud as all of hell's demons yelling in unison for human blood. The enemy camp was stirring, men-at-arms reaching for their weapons and squires running to dress their knights for battle. If only they knew  there were only twenty enemies.. Then I glimpsed no more than nine horses riding at full gallop away from the enemy camp. I allowed myself a smile.. maybe there still was some hope after all. Now that they were exposed, there was no need to go around the castle, so they rode directly south towards the northern wall. I watched helplessly as one of them was shot down by an arrow, while another's horse suddenly stumbled and fell, screaming -perhaps it was shot too. But as long as Alaa's banner was up I remained hopeful.  If Sir Awesomeness was still alive and carrying Alaa's banner, no harm had befell them.


Lord Alaa was directly in front of the castle gate now. His horse reared, and he shook his sword towards the heavens. He looked at my rough location, and I could see him smile even through his visor, the darkness and the long distance between us... but something was wrong.. He turned around, and I saw an arrow sticking out of his back. And he fell.


I forgot all about the cause. I was no longer Lord Bondok, but tiny little Mahmoud, alone and afraid under the bed sheets as thunder boomed and lightning flashed outside my window. Alaa was one of life's constants. He couldn't die, no more than a frightened little boy could stop lightning. He couldn't.


The next thing I was aware of was me mounting my armored warhorse, and yelling at my squire to get me ready within the minute. All my knights and lords were spilling out into the yard.. My rage must have been a fearsome thing. I was fit for battle within five minutes.


* "My Lord, why are you donning your armor?"

I turned around to face Lord Siemens's son and heir, who was barely fourteen.


- "I've just watched Lord Alaa fall. I will not give a speech. I go out to fight, probably to die. Whoever wishes to join me may come. The rest will hold this castle. I will come back to haunt every one of your sorry arses if you yield the castle. Bondok lands will NEVER belong to a Blackberry. NEVER!"


With that, I wheeled my horse around and rode to the castle gates. the guards raised the portcullis of their own accord. I glanced back, and they were all following me. All my Knights and Lords. All my men, even the archers were mounted and carried swords, maces and even pitchforks. It hardly mattered. They followed me to their deaths, but I hardly cared. The men in my keep could hold it for another six months, its surrounding walls too thick for any siege engine. My battle-ready catapults would fire at the enemy camp and kill hundreds, maybe thousands. Lord Blackberry did not know I had catapults especially built after he'd destroyed all of the ones on my towers, and again, his arrogance would cost him. King Apple would have ample time to rescue my seven-month pregnant wife (of course she was) and my unborn son will take my place as lord of Nokia. All I cared about was revenge.


I led them to the north gate. War horns were blowing everywhere, threatening to shatter the skies with their loud bellows. I kicked my horse savagely in the belly, and as it reared on the drawbridge, a sudden gust of wind lifted my cloak and rippled my hair and for a second, I felt like a hero. I gazed up at the skies, bellowing a loud defiant scream, louder than any war horn.


And I led my men to our doom, racing towards the spot where my six remaining knights were already forming a line against the approaching Blackberry cavalry. We all rode to our deaths, but we would sooner die than join the likes of Lord Blackberry.


I WILL NOT YIELD.

********************************************************************************

Oh, the irony. I write this comment 4 years later, when House Nokia had been completely extinguished, but more surprisingly, I've had to join Blackberry's ranks myself (company phone, don't judge me)... just when the fortunes of Blackberry turned, and Lord Apple emerged as the true menace to all the land's free peoples. Also Lord Samsung, but their rivalry is better discussed at length at another time.