Disclaimer: I write this knowing full well that I am voiding my earlier vow to stop using this blog as a platform to broadcast my innermost thoughts and feelings... however, what came to my mind this morning was an idea for a poem so bittersweet that it could be the crowning jewel of this blog, if written properly. I therefore choose to think of this not as a broken promise; but as a last hurrah.
We'll see how long this one lasts.
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A wistful smile plays upon my lips,
As I sit down and reminisce
About ancient times, now long past...
With nary a chance of going back.
I wonder truly what I wouldn't pay,
For one more chat with my granddad...
Or one more leisurely childhood stroll
With my parents on our way to the zoo.
Just one more night in our old house;
And maybe a steaming mug of hot tea,
With a black and white movie on an ancient TV
As we huddle beneath the sheets in a storm.
Or one more carefree day at the beach,
As dad and I try to build forts in the sand
Then my sister and I go for a quick splash
Our shrieks of joy too loud for my mom.
Perhaps just one more taste of school,
That eternal blight that children face...
But now it doesn't seem quite so bad;
To spend all day with friends I miss.
Friends I'd made, with no other choice,
Who'd helped me through some terrible times...
And friends who'd since become like family;
But whom I sadly never see anymore.
The childhood fights and teenage angst;
The tears shed in bouts of pain and rage...
I'd do it all again, if it would give us chance
To be stupid, happy kids together again.
Or perhaps I thirst for times of rebellion,
When we dared think we had a good chance
To finally make something of a once great land;
To raise our heads once more in pride...
Before it all came crashing down,
And all our hopes and dreams with it...
Slogans turned to cruel jokes by fate
Faces once more stamped on by the boot.
Then one by one, our peers and friends...
Were either killed or jailed or had to flee
And we were left with ashes of dreams
As ghosts of their memories roamed our streets.
Or is it a more recent flame that I crave?
A blaze to consume all other flames...
The embers of which will continue to glow
In my heart forever; till the day I die.
Just give one more day with her
To tell her how much she'd meant to me;
And how I've loved no one else the same way;
And how sorry I am that it had to end.
Just one more chance to make it right
But life doesn't quite work out this way...
We've both moved on, to better things
This wish will never come to be.
Just one more, one more, ONE MORE...
Too many priceless moments; gone.
If I sit here and write them all;
I'd still be writing on my deathbed.
Truth be told; I am frankly spent.
I simply have no more room in my heart
For the pain and torture that is nostalgia;
The unbearable longing to days of yore.
I've had enough; I don't want any more
Wretched echoes of the past to keep me up...
For there is only one thing I can say with certainty;
That I am afraid of making new memories.
