Congratulations on obtaining your first Egyptian Human Male Penis ®! The absolute chaos of fertilization has conspired to gift you your very own male reproductive system and all the societal benefits associated with it, and we are here to help guide you through the intricacies of male organ ownership.
Your "package" should include:
1 penis, most likely 6 inches long and circumcised
2 testicles
2 testicles
1 protective ballsack for testicular storage
(Optional) 1 manhood installation pack*
* Kindly note that by not installing the manhood pack, you are technically a male but not yet a "man".
Benefits of this system:
1- Ability to fertilize a human female egg, producing the blight upon the land otherwise known as the "Egyptian Baby".
2- Ability to masturbate excessively during your teen years, often in completely inappropriate locations. Wank your way to sad, half-hearted erections as your chafed member struggles to cope with your daily vigorous self-abuse marathons and compare your personal high scores with your Egyptian Human Male Penis Owner ® friends!
3- Ability to orgasm relatively quickly and efficiently, at will.**
4- Ability to pop unpredictable and uncontrollable boners at the worst possible times; often whilst attending funerals, important meetings or running errands at governmental institutions.
5- Through our patented Dual Liquid Distribution ™ technology, you are also able to use your brand new penis to expel urine, offering an unparalleled aiming experience which the other reproductive systems can only gaze at in wonder!
** Speeds may vary. Not applicable for systems aged 45 and older.
⚠ Benefits do not include the ability to sexually harass Human Female Vagina ® owners!
Kindly note that your male penis does not grant you the right to sexually harass random Egyptian females whose only fault in life was being born in Egypt without your God-given rights as an Egyptian penis-owner.
This has been a confusing issue for many penis owners, and Gender Privilege Industries Ltd. denies all possible liability arising from Egyptian males harassing defenseless females and trying to pass it off as "flirting".
Please recognize the fact that most Egyptian Human Male Penis ® owners are sexually starved predators and that even if you are not one of them, random female passersby will assume that you are, until proven otherwise... so do not claim ignorance or feign innocence and just leave them alone, because they have suffered enough at the hands of fellow Egyptian Human Male Penis ® owners such as yourself.
Thank you for choosing Egyptian Human Male Penis ® for your Egyptian human male penis needs. You are now ready to install the optional manhood pack.
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Just a bit of context for any non-Egyptians who might be reading this; I wrote this post in response to a viral video of a girl getting sexually harassed in Cairo. Somehow instead of shaming the man who harassed her, the situation was made into a meme and joked about; and the girl was instead blamed because she "shouldn't have been standing alone in the street" (at noon, in broad daylight) and "she was dressed inappropriately" (irrelevant, and she wasn't) and "the guy was just asking her out" (he wasn't). The girl's life was completely destroyed because she was branded "an attention-seeking whore" for filming her ordeal and posting it online... so much so, that she had to deactivate her social media accounts and she's currently suicidal.
In a separate incident about a week later, a 50-year old woman -in full hijab, no less- was sexually harassed on a beach in Alexandria; and her husband was stabbed to death for standing up to the lowlife trash who harassed his wife. The public reaction to the first incident is what enables incidents like the second one, and it baffles me how some Egyptians still don't see the connection - some of whom are even supposedly well-educated.
To anyone who still thinks we don't have a sexual harassment problem in Egypt, this post was my least condescending way of telling you to go fuck yourself.
