Cheesy level 900000+; you have been warned
Dear *female name*,
I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry I haven't already written you a dozen cheesy poems and enough blogposts to get myself unfollowed by half my friends on Facebook and removed and blocked by the other half.
I'm sorry we aren't already arguing about what we'll do next weekend even though we both know that we'll probably end up on the couch, binge-watching TV series and consuming enough junk food to kill a dragon even though we were supposed to finally work out together.
I'm sorry I'm not already trying to write you a song for your birthday and failing miserably because I don't have a private place to practice the tune on my guitar where you can't hear it.
I'm sorry I haven't yet made you hate guitars and rock music in general because of my mad guitar-practicing skills.
I'm sorry I'm not already teasing you about your bed head in the morning and getting my ass kicked for it.
I'm sorry you aren't already deeply confused by my instant mood swings and making jokes that I'm more PMS-ey than you are.
I'm sorry I'm old fashioned and that my almost extinct idea of chivalry will likely piss off the feminist in you fairly regularly.
I'm sorry my cooking is going to taste so much better than yours... No offense.
I'm sorry I haven't met you much, much earlier in my life.
I'm sorry I've been single for so long that not only have I forgotten how to be with someone, but I've also come to view my independence as an integral part of my personality and I don't know how you're supposed to put up with that.
I'm sorry you'll have to put up with a list of issues so massive that I've stopped counting them.
I'm sorry for being so broken that it will probably take you years to glue back the pieces into a half-decent human being... If you ever manage to get past my walls.
I'm sorry my life choices and career have made it so hard for us to meet and form a connection because I'm constantly moving around and we both know that a long distance relationship would be very hard on both of us.
I'm sorry because every time I try to imagine what you look like, your face is still hazy and pixelated in my mind.
I'm sorry I couldn't address the letter to you by name because I still don't know who you are. For all I know, we might meet in 2, 5, 10 or even 20 years... but the waiting doesn't scare me. You know what does? Wondering if we've already met but haven't realized that we're meant for each other... or worse, wondering if my massive treasure chest of issues and unreasonably high standards have already pushed you away.
Mostly I'm sorry because I'm acutely aware of how incomplete my life is without you... even though I know you'll come with more than your fair share of drama and we'll have lots of fights (or else you wouldn't be my soulmate), I also know that we'll always make it work because you're a hopeless romantic too, and you know what it means to love unconditionally.
And you know what? There is one thing I'm not sorry for... even though I've met dozens of attractive girls in my life who have amazing personalities, I'm glad I didn't settle for anyone else... rather than settle for any relationship for its own sake, I always chose to wait for you... and I hope this makes up for all the crimes above.
It shames me to admit that my faith in your existence is severely shaken at times, especially in the face of the overwhelming skepticism of all my friends (and even myself), but I will never give up... for what is there to live for, without hope?
So whoever and wherever you are, I want you to know that I'm right here... and I am not going anywhere. Take all the time you need, but be prepared... because when we do finally get together, I'm not letting go of you so easily.
Sincerely,
Mahmoud Bondok
********************************************************
Dear *female name*,
I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry I haven't already written you a dozen cheesy poems and enough blogposts to get myself unfollowed by half my friends on Facebook and removed and blocked by the other half.
I'm sorry we aren't already arguing about what we'll do next weekend even though we both know that we'll probably end up on the couch, binge-watching TV series and consuming enough junk food to kill a dragon even though we were supposed to finally work out together.
I'm sorry I'm not already trying to write you a song for your birthday and failing miserably because I don't have a private place to practice the tune on my guitar where you can't hear it.
I'm sorry I haven't yet made you hate guitars and rock music in general because of my mad guitar-practicing skills.
I'm sorry I'm not already teasing you about your bed head in the morning and getting my ass kicked for it.
I'm sorry you aren't already deeply confused by my instant mood swings and making jokes that I'm more PMS-ey than you are.
I'm sorry I'm old fashioned and that my almost extinct idea of chivalry will likely piss off the feminist in you fairly regularly.
I'm sorry my cooking is going to taste so much better than yours... No offense.
I'm sorry I haven't met you much, much earlier in my life.
I'm sorry I've been single for so long that not only have I forgotten how to be with someone, but I've also come to view my independence as an integral part of my personality and I don't know how you're supposed to put up with that.
I'm sorry you'll have to put up with a list of issues so massive that I've stopped counting them.
I'm sorry for being so broken that it will probably take you years to glue back the pieces into a half-decent human being... If you ever manage to get past my walls.
I'm sorry because every time I try to imagine what you look like, your face is still hazy and pixelated in my mind.
I'm sorry because every time I travel somewhere new or do something exciting, I feel guilty because you're not with me... even though you don't exist for all I know.
I'm sorry I couldn't address the letter to you by name because I still don't know who you are. For all I know, we might meet in 2, 5, 10 or even 20 years... but the waiting doesn't scare me. You know what does? Wondering if we've already met but haven't realized that we're meant for each other... or worse, wondering if my massive treasure chest of issues and unreasonably high standards have already pushed you away.
Mostly I'm sorry because I'm acutely aware of how incomplete my life is without you... even though I know you'll come with more than your fair share of drama and we'll have lots of fights (or else you wouldn't be my soulmate), I also know that we'll always make it work because you're a hopeless romantic too, and you know what it means to love unconditionally.
And you know what? There is one thing I'm not sorry for... even though I've met dozens of attractive girls in my life who have amazing personalities, I'm glad I didn't settle for anyone else... rather than settle for any relationship for its own sake, I always chose to wait for you... and I hope this makes up for all the crimes above.
It shames me to admit that my faith in your existence is severely shaken at times, especially in the face of the overwhelming skepticism of all my friends (and even myself), but I will never give up... for what is there to live for, without hope?
So whoever and wherever you are, I want you to know that I'm right here... and I am not going anywhere. Take all the time you need, but be prepared... because when we do finally get together, I'm not letting go of you so easily.
Sincerely,
Mahmoud Bondok
