(Maybe it's pre-exam week emotional discharge, or too much "free" time I was supposed to use to study some of the things that have been accumulating for half a semester that I haven't even begun to think about, but I find that I need to get this out.)
To all my friends, this one's for you.
The media always portrays war in the same way. It's always chaos and confusion and lots of explosions everywhere, with gruesome sights of carnage and human brutality. A few movies focused specifically on the bond between comrades-in-arms, that bond that exceeds even brotherhood, in the sense that you're both out there risking your lives, and every day u spend at night back at base with your squad might be your last. It always shows battle in very rapid succession, in real-life speed. someone pulls a trigger, and just like that, some person dies. no time to move out of the way, twitch or even think. just die.
That is not always true.
Jack was down in the trench fighting side-by-side with his best friend Mark. When a soldier's fighting for his life, it's not common for him to brood on his childhood memories, but that is what Jack caught himself doing. War might be brutal, but it's nothing if not repetitive... when you've been in the trench for hours holding your position, it's surprising how much the whole process can become a routine. You choose your target, you aim and you shoot. You duck to reload, emerge again to fire bursts at the enemy to cover your squad while they reload, and then duck again to reload yourself. you occasionally toss a grenade or ask for a clip from the ammunition officer, and then fall back to the same routine. It's the routine that kills after a while, if you lose all sense of what you're doing and your reflexes get duller because subconsciously you start thinking that it's just another drill and nothing will actually hurt you and that you'll be through it in a minute.
But you can also fall into battle fever. All your senses are heightened, all your bullets seem to hit their marks, all your targets go down before they fire a single round. Things seem to move in slow motion.
All of this wasn't going through Jack's mind of course, but he had fallen into battle fever. His team Sergeant called him Private Flu because it was so easy for him to get battle fever. Mark thought it was so funny that he had it written in black marker on Jack's dog tag under his real name.
Jack ducked to reload, and then straightened up again to continue firing. In that instant, Mark looked at him, winked, and said:
"You're on fire today, private flu! You keeping count?"
"Twelve, and counting. are you ---"
Something happened. Everything stopped. The rhythmic sound of machine gun fire died out, and the cries of the dying and the wounded. Mark's smile froze on his face, and their conversation suddenly lost all its meaning. They say your life flashes before your eyes in that instant before you die. That was one of those moments. All Jack saw was the gunman looking down his gun's sights, aiming, and pulling the trigger. Then he was lost in times long gone.
It was his first day at elementary school. He was alone and afraid, with his eyes still wet, fresh from the crying fit he had just had because he just couldn't comprehend why his mother and father would abandon him. They assured him they would come pick him up on their way from work, but he still couldn't get why he had to go to school. Mrs Bright was standing in the middle of the yard, with many other kids his age gathered around her. Just as he approached, she started to leave, and the kids followed. So he did the same. Or he meant to, but he accidentally stepped on his untied shoe laces, stumbled, tried to regain his balance and fell. All the kids were laughing at him, that little boy who made a fool of himself on his first day, falling in the yard and spilling his lunch box's contents on the ground. All of them laughed. All but him. Mark offered his hand to him, helped him up and patted him on the shoulder. He was very big for his age, and wider than most kids were. he had friendly eyes and an easy smile.
All he said was: "Hi. My name is Mark. You wanna be friends?".
flash forward to middle school.
It was a rainy day. And cold. Everyone was huddled up in class, with the windows shut and the math teacher groaning on and on about square roots and fractions. It had been a brilliant summer day in the morning, so no one bothered to get any jackets with them. Only Jack's mom insisted that he get his jacket because he was always catching colds. Jenna was sitting in the desk on his left, shivering. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, with big brown doe eyes and golden curls that cascaded elegantly past her shoulder and down her back. He had been crushing on her for years but hadn't had the chance to do anything about it because he was so shy around girls he liked. That was a very good chance for him.
So he took off his jacket, and went "pssst". she looked at him, with those pretty white teeth knocking together. She looked so innocent and vulnerable he wanted to hug her. He passed her the jacket, smiling. She gratefully took it, and mouthed a silent "Thank You". When the class was over, however, out of nowhere, Jim, the class bully, came and knocked him down. Jim yelled that he shouldn't be messing with his girlfriend and that he'd kill him if if he ever caught him sniffing around her again. Jenna hotly declared that Jim was not her boyfriend and that he should just get a life because she isn't gonna go out with him no matter what. Jim looked at Jack, and said "You're gonna pay for that, Jack-off.". He balled his hand into a fist, and was just gonna punch him when Mark appeared at Jim's shoulder. In the blink of an eye, Mark had Jim in a headlock and threatened to beat him up if he ever laid a hand on Jack.
fast forward to high school.
He had just broken up with Jenna. She'd been his girlfriend for four years now, but he caught her kissing a senior right outside class. He didn't say a word. He just looked her in the eyes, and said: "I hope his jacket fits you". And then she was out of his life. He'd been staying at home for days, hardly eating and brooding all day long. His girlfriend tried to reach him a million times, but he didn't bother picking up. He'd warned her how much he loved her and that any betrayal on her side would crush him, but that didn't stop her cheating on him. She deserved to suffer. Let her call, she wasn't getting a single word out of him ever again. That was how he thought of it. That was what he convinced himself of. Deep down inside he was very hurt, and he couldnt believe that she'd do such a thing to him. He wanted to beat the guy bloody and he wanted to yell at his girlfriend. He wanted to let her know how much he despised her. But he knew if he opened the door to his feelings she would have won. He wasn't gonna allow her to cause him a single tear or a second of weakness.
Still, it wasn't easy for him at all. He hadn't been going to school for days, and lost his will to live. He was sitting in his basement bedroom throwing darts at a teddy bear he'd owned when he was a baby, when Mark's face suddenly appeared in his window. He was lying flat on his belly, holding a pizza box and a couple of beers. How he'd gotten the beer was a mystery to him.
"Fancy a chat?" Mark said.
"Thanks dude, but i'm not in the mood." Jack replied.
"I'm lying down here till you are, then." Mark said.
Jack opened the window and his very large friend somehow jumped through to his bedroom.To this day, he still hadnt let Mark know how much that chat meant to him. He regretted never taking the time to tell his friend how much he appreciated his support. suddenly, "guys dont talk about their feelings" seemed like a very stupid reason not to.
Flash forward to college.
They were lying on their backs in the dorm room they were sharing. Jack was very glad that his best friend Mark had gotten accepted in the same university and he couldn't believe how much the pair of them had gotten through. It had been two years, but Jack had been single ever since he'd broken up with Jenna. Amazingly, she still called sometimes, but he never bothered to answer her. He was just gonna tell Mark that Jenna was calling again when someone knocked on the door. Mark had always been complaining loudly to everyone that would hear that Jack should get laid some time because he was a freshman in college and people would think he was a nerd. Of course, that helped circulate the fact and pretty soon people started calling him "Virgin Jack", which somehow got morphed over time to "Virjack". Mark had been getting drunk girls to pass by their dorm room for a whole semester now, but Jack always turned them down. This led Jack to think that this was just one of those chicks again. That was why he was so surprized when Jenna came through the door, holding a bottle of champagne. Mark told Jack that he needed to talk with her if he ever wanted to know the truth of what happened or to move on, slipped on his jacket and left the room.
Flash forward 10 years.
He was standing on the altar with Jenna standing right in front of him, looking so beautiful in her tiara. He couldn't believe he almost let her slip from his hands.. turns out that senior kissed her against her will and she'd been trying to tell him all along that he just walked in at the wrong time, that's all. It took her two hours that night to convince him, but he was convinced when she told him that she'd filed a case against that guy and that he was expelled from school because the dean had had several similar complaints from other girls. Mark was standing just behind Jenna, holding the rings and smiling from ear to ear. He'd been married for two years and his wife was pregnant, pretty far along the way too, by the looks of it. Jenna herself was one month pregnant, but they'd agreed that they didnt want their kid to live his life knowing that he's a bastard. Mark had been extremely helpful when Jack told him the news. Usually, guys freaked out when they learned that there were babies involved, but Mark was extremely supportive, and he's the one who suggested they get married in the first place. They'd been in love ever since middle school, and they were living together, and now they were having a baby. It wasnt such a dynamic change to get married, he'd reasoned. Mark even helped with the wedding preparations. He looked at him, winked, and mouthed: "you're on fire, Virjack".
Flash forward forty years.
Jack was sitting in his terrace, old and grey, with Jenna right beside him. the last of his three children had already gotten married three years ago. The house was his and Jenna's. He had been crying into her shoulder again. Every few days he would get these crying fits that reminded him of those crying fits he got at elementary school all those years ago when his parents dropped him off. Then he would remember Mark, look at the wedding photos with him and his wide grin, happy that his best friend had finally gotten married, and he'd cry again. he'd cry every single day around the same time in the morning when his parents had dropped him off that day, so long ago. Jenna would try and make it better, but she couldn't. she just couldn't. Mark had been his life's constant companion, his shield, his go-to guy, his safety net. Everytime he remembered how he died he cried.
flash back to present day.
Mark's smile was still frozen on his sweaty, dirty face. The enemy shooter's gun was still aimed at Mark's head. Although the gunman seemed to have pulled the trigger an hour ago, time seemed to slow down even more. He realised he couldn't bear sitting in his terrace when he was old and grey, regretting that day so long ago when he could have saved his best friend but didn't. Great power surged through his veins when he thought of all those times his best friend had his back. His best friend gave him courage, his best friend gave him strength. His best friend gave him enough speed to jump right in front of the bullets' path to save his best friend's life. The excruciating pain of bullets tearing through his bone and muscle didn't seem so bad. he slammed into Mark, falling on top of him, protecting him from the incoming deadly rain. The last thing Jack thought of was that wedding photo he'd taken next to Jenna and Mark.
Because you see, it doesn't have to be your own life at stake for you to care enough to stop time and do the impossible.
I would like to dedicate this blog post to all those people among my 700+ friends on facebook, those who would presume to call themselves my friends. and those who aren't on facebook as well. I'm speaking to each of you individually. What im emphasizing is that im not referring to you as a part of Mark, on the contrary. everyone of you is Mark. You see, we never get to tell our friends how much we appreciate the companionship and support. Mark is every single friend I ever met. Every acquaintance that made me laugh or smile when I most needed it is Mark. Mark is my primary school friends, my middle school friends, my high school friends, my college friends, all my friends. If you've ever helped draw a smile on my face, ever helped me through a tough spot, I dedicate this to you. no matter how insignificant you think your part was, you've helped make me who I am. I would list your name if I could, but it would take too long. I wouldn't be the man i am today without you. Through your support, help, reassurance, guidance and companionships, I became who I am. I cannot emphasize that enough. Thank you for all the laughs you gave me and all the times you've listened to me when i needed to vent. Thank you for being there. I would be your Jack if you ever need me.
All that I have to offer are two simple words. Two words to sum up my appreciation, devotion, and respect to you. Two simple words from a simple guy.
My friendship.
Of course, don't expect me to take a bullet for you if you made me smile. What the heck's the matter with you?
and I realise that "I can be your Jack if you ever need me" is a sex joke just waiting to happen. Should have chosen another name for my protagonist, huh?
To all my friends, this one's for you.
**************
The media always portrays war in the same way. It's always chaos and confusion and lots of explosions everywhere, with gruesome sights of carnage and human brutality. A few movies focused specifically on the bond between comrades-in-arms, that bond that exceeds even brotherhood, in the sense that you're both out there risking your lives, and every day u spend at night back at base with your squad might be your last. It always shows battle in very rapid succession, in real-life speed. someone pulls a trigger, and just like that, some person dies. no time to move out of the way, twitch or even think. just die.
That is not always true.
Jack was down in the trench fighting side-by-side with his best friend Mark. When a soldier's fighting for his life, it's not common for him to brood on his childhood memories, but that is what Jack caught himself doing. War might be brutal, but it's nothing if not repetitive... when you've been in the trench for hours holding your position, it's surprising how much the whole process can become a routine. You choose your target, you aim and you shoot. You duck to reload, emerge again to fire bursts at the enemy to cover your squad while they reload, and then duck again to reload yourself. you occasionally toss a grenade or ask for a clip from the ammunition officer, and then fall back to the same routine. It's the routine that kills after a while, if you lose all sense of what you're doing and your reflexes get duller because subconsciously you start thinking that it's just another drill and nothing will actually hurt you and that you'll be through it in a minute.
But you can also fall into battle fever. All your senses are heightened, all your bullets seem to hit their marks, all your targets go down before they fire a single round. Things seem to move in slow motion.
All of this wasn't going through Jack's mind of course, but he had fallen into battle fever. His team Sergeant called him Private Flu because it was so easy for him to get battle fever. Mark thought it was so funny that he had it written in black marker on Jack's dog tag under his real name.
Jack ducked to reload, and then straightened up again to continue firing. In that instant, Mark looked at him, winked, and said:
"You're on fire today, private flu! You keeping count?"
"Twelve, and counting. are you ---"
Something happened. Everything stopped. The rhythmic sound of machine gun fire died out, and the cries of the dying and the wounded. Mark's smile froze on his face, and their conversation suddenly lost all its meaning. They say your life flashes before your eyes in that instant before you die. That was one of those moments. All Jack saw was the gunman looking down his gun's sights, aiming, and pulling the trigger. Then he was lost in times long gone.
It was his first day at elementary school. He was alone and afraid, with his eyes still wet, fresh from the crying fit he had just had because he just couldn't comprehend why his mother and father would abandon him. They assured him they would come pick him up on their way from work, but he still couldn't get why he had to go to school. Mrs Bright was standing in the middle of the yard, with many other kids his age gathered around her. Just as he approached, she started to leave, and the kids followed. So he did the same. Or he meant to, but he accidentally stepped on his untied shoe laces, stumbled, tried to regain his balance and fell. All the kids were laughing at him, that little boy who made a fool of himself on his first day, falling in the yard and spilling his lunch box's contents on the ground. All of them laughed. All but him. Mark offered his hand to him, helped him up and patted him on the shoulder. He was very big for his age, and wider than most kids were. he had friendly eyes and an easy smile.
All he said was: "Hi. My name is Mark. You wanna be friends?".
flash forward to middle school.
It was a rainy day. And cold. Everyone was huddled up in class, with the windows shut and the math teacher groaning on and on about square roots and fractions. It had been a brilliant summer day in the morning, so no one bothered to get any jackets with them. Only Jack's mom insisted that he get his jacket because he was always catching colds. Jenna was sitting in the desk on his left, shivering. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, with big brown doe eyes and golden curls that cascaded elegantly past her shoulder and down her back. He had been crushing on her for years but hadn't had the chance to do anything about it because he was so shy around girls he liked. That was a very good chance for him.
So he took off his jacket, and went "pssst". she looked at him, with those pretty white teeth knocking together. She looked so innocent and vulnerable he wanted to hug her. He passed her the jacket, smiling. She gratefully took it, and mouthed a silent "Thank You". When the class was over, however, out of nowhere, Jim, the class bully, came and knocked him down. Jim yelled that he shouldn't be messing with his girlfriend and that he'd kill him if if he ever caught him sniffing around her again. Jenna hotly declared that Jim was not her boyfriend and that he should just get a life because she isn't gonna go out with him no matter what. Jim looked at Jack, and said "You're gonna pay for that, Jack-off.". He balled his hand into a fist, and was just gonna punch him when Mark appeared at Jim's shoulder. In the blink of an eye, Mark had Jim in a headlock and threatened to beat him up if he ever laid a hand on Jack.
fast forward to high school.
He had just broken up with Jenna. She'd been his girlfriend for four years now, but he caught her kissing a senior right outside class. He didn't say a word. He just looked her in the eyes, and said: "I hope his jacket fits you". And then she was out of his life. He'd been staying at home for days, hardly eating and brooding all day long. His girlfriend tried to reach him a million times, but he didn't bother picking up. He'd warned her how much he loved her and that any betrayal on her side would crush him, but that didn't stop her cheating on him. She deserved to suffer. Let her call, she wasn't getting a single word out of him ever again. That was how he thought of it. That was what he convinced himself of. Deep down inside he was very hurt, and he couldnt believe that she'd do such a thing to him. He wanted to beat the guy bloody and he wanted to yell at his girlfriend. He wanted to let her know how much he despised her. But he knew if he opened the door to his feelings she would have won. He wasn't gonna allow her to cause him a single tear or a second of weakness.
Still, it wasn't easy for him at all. He hadn't been going to school for days, and lost his will to live. He was sitting in his basement bedroom throwing darts at a teddy bear he'd owned when he was a baby, when Mark's face suddenly appeared in his window. He was lying flat on his belly, holding a pizza box and a couple of beers. How he'd gotten the beer was a mystery to him.
"Fancy a chat?" Mark said.
"Thanks dude, but i'm not in the mood." Jack replied.
"I'm lying down here till you are, then." Mark said.
Jack opened the window and his very large friend somehow jumped through to his bedroom.To this day, he still hadnt let Mark know how much that chat meant to him. He regretted never taking the time to tell his friend how much he appreciated his support. suddenly, "guys dont talk about their feelings" seemed like a very stupid reason not to.
Flash forward to college.
They were lying on their backs in the dorm room they were sharing. Jack was very glad that his best friend Mark had gotten accepted in the same university and he couldn't believe how much the pair of them had gotten through. It had been two years, but Jack had been single ever since he'd broken up with Jenna. Amazingly, she still called sometimes, but he never bothered to answer her. He was just gonna tell Mark that Jenna was calling again when someone knocked on the door. Mark had always been complaining loudly to everyone that would hear that Jack should get laid some time because he was a freshman in college and people would think he was a nerd. Of course, that helped circulate the fact and pretty soon people started calling him "Virgin Jack", which somehow got morphed over time to "Virjack". Mark had been getting drunk girls to pass by their dorm room for a whole semester now, but Jack always turned them down. This led Jack to think that this was just one of those chicks again. That was why he was so surprized when Jenna came through the door, holding a bottle of champagne. Mark told Jack that he needed to talk with her if he ever wanted to know the truth of what happened or to move on, slipped on his jacket and left the room.
Flash forward 10 years.
He was standing on the altar with Jenna standing right in front of him, looking so beautiful in her tiara. He couldn't believe he almost let her slip from his hands.. turns out that senior kissed her against her will and she'd been trying to tell him all along that he just walked in at the wrong time, that's all. It took her two hours that night to convince him, but he was convinced when she told him that she'd filed a case against that guy and that he was expelled from school because the dean had had several similar complaints from other girls. Mark was standing just behind Jenna, holding the rings and smiling from ear to ear. He'd been married for two years and his wife was pregnant, pretty far along the way too, by the looks of it. Jenna herself was one month pregnant, but they'd agreed that they didnt want their kid to live his life knowing that he's a bastard. Mark had been extremely helpful when Jack told him the news. Usually, guys freaked out when they learned that there were babies involved, but Mark was extremely supportive, and he's the one who suggested they get married in the first place. They'd been in love ever since middle school, and they were living together, and now they were having a baby. It wasnt such a dynamic change to get married, he'd reasoned. Mark even helped with the wedding preparations. He looked at him, winked, and mouthed: "you're on fire, Virjack".
Flash forward forty years.
Jack was sitting in his terrace, old and grey, with Jenna right beside him. the last of his three children had already gotten married three years ago. The house was his and Jenna's. He had been crying into her shoulder again. Every few days he would get these crying fits that reminded him of those crying fits he got at elementary school all those years ago when his parents dropped him off. Then he would remember Mark, look at the wedding photos with him and his wide grin, happy that his best friend had finally gotten married, and he'd cry again. he'd cry every single day around the same time in the morning when his parents had dropped him off that day, so long ago. Jenna would try and make it better, but she couldn't. she just couldn't. Mark had been his life's constant companion, his shield, his go-to guy, his safety net. Everytime he remembered how he died he cried.
flash back to present day.
Mark's smile was still frozen on his sweaty, dirty face. The enemy shooter's gun was still aimed at Mark's head. Although the gunman seemed to have pulled the trigger an hour ago, time seemed to slow down even more. He realised he couldn't bear sitting in his terrace when he was old and grey, regretting that day so long ago when he could have saved his best friend but didn't. Great power surged through his veins when he thought of all those times his best friend had his back. His best friend gave him courage, his best friend gave him strength. His best friend gave him enough speed to jump right in front of the bullets' path to save his best friend's life. The excruciating pain of bullets tearing through his bone and muscle didn't seem so bad. he slammed into Mark, falling on top of him, protecting him from the incoming deadly rain. The last thing Jack thought of was that wedding photo he'd taken next to Jenna and Mark.
Because you see, it doesn't have to be your own life at stake for you to care enough to stop time and do the impossible.
I would like to dedicate this blog post to all those people among my 700+ friends on facebook, those who would presume to call themselves my friends. and those who aren't on facebook as well. I'm speaking to each of you individually. What im emphasizing is that im not referring to you as a part of Mark, on the contrary. everyone of you is Mark. You see, we never get to tell our friends how much we appreciate the companionship and support. Mark is every single friend I ever met. Every acquaintance that made me laugh or smile when I most needed it is Mark. Mark is my primary school friends, my middle school friends, my high school friends, my college friends, all my friends. If you've ever helped draw a smile on my face, ever helped me through a tough spot, I dedicate this to you. no matter how insignificant you think your part was, you've helped make me who I am. I would list your name if I could, but it would take too long. I wouldn't be the man i am today without you. Through your support, help, reassurance, guidance and companionships, I became who I am. I cannot emphasize that enough. Thank you for all the laughs you gave me and all the times you've listened to me when i needed to vent. Thank you for being there. I would be your Jack if you ever need me.
All that I have to offer are two simple words. Two words to sum up my appreciation, devotion, and respect to you. Two simple words from a simple guy.
My friendship.
Of course, don't expect me to take a bullet for you if you made me smile. What the heck's the matter with you?
and I realise that "I can be your Jack if you ever need me" is a sex joke just waiting to happen. Should have chosen another name for my protagonist, huh?
